you gave me strength..
you gave me life
you held my hand and pushed me through
while you stayed back and the suffering too
I looked back..
I turned twice
I cried for you..
I yelled at you
I wanted to stay back with you
all this glory, all this might
is all so false and is not so bright
I stand here and long for you
I yearn to come back to you ..

Living with HIV

I am a Living with HIV Champion now and by saying that I mean that I have pledged to spread awareness about HIV and AIDS in whichever way possible for the rest of my life. This is an initiative of the Standard Chartered Bank to spread awareness about HIV and AIDS in the world. They are a bank and how often have you seen banks of such huge status and spread in the world getting involved in activities for the social benefit. At least I haven’t come across any. Besides that they are not doing this for “publicity” and I say this because they do not advertise about this program in any way, on the contrary they’ve started a website www.vir.us which has all the facts and figures related to HIV in 8 languages, which shows that they want to reach out to as large an audience as possible. I really appreciate what they’re doing and the different ways and means that they’re adopting for this purpose. They have a “train the trainer” program where their employees, who are HIV Champions, educate college students about HIV/AIDS who then pledge to educate a larger number.

HIV is a virus for which there is no cure as of now, and hence the only way in which its spread can be prevented is through change in our lifestyle. We all know that this disease has no cure and therefore live under the impression that HIV means you’re going to die. This is of course not true, HIV is a virus (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) which can lead to AIDS if it is not treated, and once you have AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) you can die within 2 years without treatment. Yes, there is a treatment for AIDS. But this treatment only ensures that the virus does not multiply in your body but becomes dormant. The medication has to be continued for the entire life by an HIV+ person. A person who is HIV+ may never have AIDS if he maintains a healthy lifestyle along with the treatment.

HIV, once it enters our body, starts killing the white blood cells, these cells help in making our body immune to a lot of diseases. The virus also keeps multiplying in our body, and when the immunity of our body becomes so low that we contract diseases which a normal healthy person would never be exposed to, this implies that the person has AIDS.

The virus was first detected in Africa during late 19th century and AIDS is now a global pandemic. Facts say that 7400 new infections are detected each day and 34 million people are living HIV across the world. 2.3 million people in India are living with HIV.

A few more facts:

   * TB is the leading cause of death among persons with HIV.
   * HIV is among the leading causes of death worldwide and prime cause of death in sub-Sahara Africa.
   * Most people with HIV are unaware that they are infected.
   * Women represent half of all people living with HIV/AIDS.

   * HIV is spread by sexual contact with an infected person, by sharing needles and/or syringes with someone who is infected, or, less commonly, through transfusions of infected blood or blood clotting factors.

   * HIV is found in many body fluids including blood, semen, vaginal fluids and breast milk.
   * HIV is not spread by mosquitoes or other biting insects.

Story behind the red ribbon

 The red ribbon has been adopted from the yellow ribbons that were created for in honor of soldiers serving in the 1^st Persian Gulf War. The ribbon is red in color due to its connection with love, passion, anger and valentine.

This post is an aberration from my normal posts only because I thought I should start contributing to this cause in every small way that I can. And since I am an HIV Champion now it is my moral obligation. Hope you gained something out of this post or at least got sensitized on the subject.

Success ..

Success can be achieved only when we have a realization of what goals we aim to achieve in life. The next step is to remain self motivated and determined by the vision of success until the goals are achieved. Having belief in yourself and having realistic and positive hope is absolutely essential in achieving success. I believe that it is important to appreciate success but it is equally important to accept setbacks and failures so as to understand what is going wrong with the way we are moving towards our goals so that we may stop, reconsider and move on with greater wisdom. Success can only be felt internally when we know that we have earned it, achieving success at the cost of others or wrongly assuming other’s success to be ours would only lead to temporary happiness which would fade away as soon as we would realise that this success was not the result of hard work but it was achieved by some other means. I have always believed that achieving success without hard work and sacrifices is not possible because that is how I have realised my goals in life and always felt eternal bliss and a sense of satisfaction and achievement each time I accomplished a target which I set for myself.

  

Theres 1 more month to go

 
Well since nothing much has been happening around me since a long time, mostly because my mind has not got a break from the block that those four walls in north campus have created around me, the list of "to-do" things have been piling up for so long. And the list keeps getting stretched now that I have the realization that there is just 1 more month left (yayy!)
Lets begin!

* Get my knee fixed
* Get myself that damn summer internship
* Start reading again
* Start writing again
* Explore the malls of Gurgaon
* Go on a long vacation
* Look good for my sister's marriage
* Shop shop and shop
* Drive drive and drive
* Learn a new language,i.e., German
* Watch all the movies that I've missed in these 3 months
* Make sense out of life(??)

Come November and I am going to get back to this list!
 

Latest possessions !!

Purple Shoes !

Mary Kay !

So God is not that merciless after all. He gave me 2 pair of shoes while he took away one !!

Ankle length boots ! I have been wanting them for so long :)

Oktober Effect !

The last 3 months have been crazy but now the october effect has set in and this next month is going to be atleast 50 times more crazy, and this is just a conservative estimate! Yes, Im learning to speak in economic, financial and marketing terms so dont be surprised to read more such stuff in my posts from now on. If I can elaborate briefly on the last 3 months then it would be as follows:

July: trying to make sense of things, getting used to teachers and assignments and seniors once again.Nothing made sense but it all looked promising. Meeting like a 100 new people and yet liking a very few.A birthday after 3 years when I was not sitting at a doctor's clinic. So all in all a balanced month but I started feeling lonely and on my own in this month which was kind of disheartening but its okay as long as I was able to cope with it.

August: So the crazy times start. What with all the assignments, threat of exams, fear of placements and a 9 am to 3:30 am schedule. But to top it all my leg started troubling again and the doctor scared me to death when he talked of another surgery. And then started the physiotherapy all over again in the midst of these crazy times. But I guess I am strong enough now to face these adversities and my leg is in a better shape now though the physiotherapy still continues. Whatever was happening around did not make a lot of sense. 

September: It was almost like august or even worse. My personal life went through a rocky phase here but it is stable now. I was robbed of my purple shoes and the lowers I bought from McLeodganj :( That thief will surely rot in hell because not even a single day goes by when I dont curse him :-X

I am desperately waiting for november now when life will become normal and I will not be toiling like a donkey but living a human life.

Talking through pictures

This blog is just to remind you all that ..

I have not been getting time to write, so I thought of speaking through pictures.

Just to clarify, I have not been hibernating.

Rather I have been doing the following:

making assignments.

drowned in books.

attending classes and taking notes.

Because …

 

!!!!!

studying ..

worrying about exams ..

sometimes I feel like ..

but I don’t because I have been ..

making new friends ..

shopping!!

partying !!

But I will 

There is a hollow ..

There is a hollow ..

life is all around me but,
there is a hollow within which doesn't seem to fill

happiness tries to embrace me but,
there is a darkness within which doesn't seem to end

nobody ever noticed but,
there are scars that never heal

thoughts cloud my mind but,
there are winds that never settle

no tears in my eyes but,
there is a storm inside that never dies

people galore  but,
there is a space that doesn't seem to fill

i try to smile but,
there is a sorrow that doesn't seem to end

there will be a day when this pain will end
and that day will be the end of life when only
the hollow will remain ..

Alas there is a hollow ..
there is a hollow that will never fill.
  

I wish ..

# I had an elder brother

# I had a big house

# I had the power to control my tears

# I could dance
    

I miss you ..

Okay lets start with some more updates .. my cousin (who's younger than me btw) got engaged this weekend and hence i could not attend my chuddy-buddy chhavi's marriage which also happened to be on Saturday :( Since we were kids i used to fascinate about her marriage and dreamt of having loads of fun but destiny had planned something else for us .. hehe .. but i feel pretty bad about it and also have some guilty feelings inside me.

And yes now i am feeling lonesome finally .. as usual i had nothing to do at office today and thought of calling somebody but there was nobody i could talk to:( 

Some good things .. my article appeared in this week’s TGIF  and I took part in a paper dressing competition at office.. see image above.

All right, so i thought i would remember all my friends who are not around by writing a few lines about each one of them ..

Shruti -- I’ve never come across a more crazy person than her. "ek bhi dhoop nahi nikli aaj" !! her low waist jeans are a fantasy for boys! I miss her for all the endless gossips we used to share.

Sumit -- technologically handicapped, "good" coder, "mr know it all", caring, the angry young man, crazy for girls and a  killer driver! I miss him for all the time we used to spend in office and car.. thanks for teaching me how to drive..only i know how much i used to hate you whenever you used to shout at me :X

Varnika -- she's cute when she gets confused over small small things, she’s both crazy and organised at the same time, career oriented and talented. I want to be like her while drinking! I miss her for the same reason i miss shruti!

Pallavi -- She has a tough competition with shruti when it comes to being crazy. I miss her for all the compliments she used to give me! and i miss her because it has been a long time since i've seen her.

Puneet -- I know him for the last 2 years only but he’s a gem of a person, a great person to make friends with, cricket crazy, Dhoni fan. He has his own ideologies which are almost always wrong! I will miss u when i won’t be able to call on 702604 :)

Ashish : I miss you ... you left us a long time back and now i have got used to you not being around. Such a lazy person you are, mba kaise manage karta hai!

I will write about the rest of you when you would leave me.
 

Updates

           
Ahh .. no updates since the last few days so here they come.
Quizzes and assignments kept me busy. Thanks to Google search and sumit,karuna,debasish,prabhakar that I won two of them :D and one of them was a football quiz!
Otherwise I saw Rajneeti, a little long but nevertheless a good movie. Arjun Rampal totally rocked the movie with his acting and his gelled hair looks, so much that Ranbir Kapoor wasnt even noticed. And if you havnt guessed it yet, then yes he is my latest crush!
Shruti left for Allahabad, Varnika has left for Jamshedpur today, Sumit is leaving on saturday, puneet will also be leaving soon pheww I would be lonesome for sure.
I played tt and came second, earned some points for my team. This makes me feel good :) and people say my serve and backhand shots are strong so yes I just need to learn the forehand tricks now to be perfect at the game!
Newspaper reading and english classes at NAB make me feel good every saturday, I wish I could do more.

I bought a skirt but cant wear it :(
GOD I NEED BOOTS, PLEASE GIFT THEM TO ME AS YOU HAVE LEFT ME WITH NO CASH TO BUY THEM!
                
              

A memoir from the hospital

An ocean full of pain

a world complete with loneliness

a mind full of thoughts

a heart full of sorrow
but my spirit is what is still alive

and I am not going to let that die

let people who sympathise, sympathise with me

let people who don’t care, don’t care about me

let people who hate me, hate me even more

let people who care for me be blessed with happiness

let people who love me love me even more

it is their love which is going to sail me through this crazy and rotten world

please stand by me and hold me, I might not be able to stand on my own

so give me enough strength to face this wind which is trying to blow me away

I don’t want to perish .. I want to fight

I am not a coward

I’ll take all the blows in my face

you cant let them destroy me

just embrace me and hold me tight

let this storm fade away

let the sun set in after this storm has faded

let all the dust settle down

let there be peace and calm

give me some time to regain my consciousness,

regain my strength

you just need to keep holding on to me till then

I know the sun is going to be brighter

and I am going to extract love from each ray

but let go off me now

let me stand up now

don’t show concern for me

this pain is going to go away with the wind and

there is going to be bliss

this sorrow is going to get out of my system

and happiness is going to come in

loneliness will not come close to me now

because you are going to be around

I can see a ray of hope and I am going to keep holding on to it.

This poem is really special and very close to my heart because I wrote it with a broken hand in the hospital. It may not be a very great composition but I let out all the negative thoughts from my system through this poem and towards the end I do sound all positive and ready to fight again and that is exactly how this poem made me feel after I wrote it in the hospital.

and here I go again

Something I wrote some time back ..
I sit and ponder over my thoughts ... and my thoughts are filled with a nightmare I had last night ... it was bad I can even call it cruel for the fact that it was MY dream .. and dreams reflect my state of mind. I was disturbed when I got up so I consoled myself thinking that "it was just a dream, nothing has happened in real life" at least I hoped so. So not to spoil my mood early in the morning I got up from my warm and cozy bed and continued with my daily routine. Rushed to the office and while on my way tried to listen to some good music whatever minute part of it was audible against the high volume at which the bus driver was listening to "his kind of songs". Well anyways even that did not comfort me so I continued with my work at office .. told a friend about my nightmare. Hmmm so even this did not work :(
So what better than writing it all down and emptying my mind of all these sad thoughts which were so stubborn and so detrmined to disturb me. I kept constantly reminding myself "it was just a dream for God's sake" why do I have to keep thinking about it. But the fact is that it was not "just" a dream .. it was not a happy dream .. it was a nightmare. How could I be so evil .. if I don't like someone, watching them helpless is not what I want. What pleasure will I get out of it. If this person gets harmed it is not going to reduce my hatred for him. I used to say "I cannot even dream of such a thing to happen" and look now how I've changed. I'm wondering how all these violent thoughts got into my mind ... people say that everybody has a devil inside them. If this is true then I guess my devil was active last night.. I want this devil to mellow down and not disturb me like this again. I  would want to tell him that I am a peaceful person and these violent and cruel thoughts which he brings to my mind .. I don't want them .. they shake me up and storm my mind.. and then it takes time and effort to get away with them.
I guess I would again like to listen to some good music to give peace to myself now that I have removed all the dirty thoughts from my mind and put them down here. So bye bye devil it is just a matter of few hours and I will get over YOU.


                            

100 views !!

yayy !!
This post is just to announce that 100 people (approximately ! as blogger puts it) have viewed my profile on blogger till now. I know i am bragging and blowing the horn for no reason but I feel ecstatic !!
The next post will come on 1000 views !!
And yeah the picture is just to keep a testimony of the feat :-)

A trip to remember

A trip which happened after so much planning and delay turned out to be a big big success and a lot of fun. And hence the last weekend was about

-- Dharamshala McLeodganj
-- innova

-- thrills due to rash driving in the hills

-- Green View House and and an amazing view of sunrise in the hills from there

-- Fosters and Kingfisher and Royal Stag

-- rustam, jumman, kanan, panan, funny gaay and nakli pahadi

-- lots and lots of firangs

-- shorts and skirts in the hills

-- trekking in the steep hills

-- paying 30 rs for a 300ml maaza

-- spooky paintings in the hills

-- bursting out laughing all the time

-- bathing in the falls

-- Dalai Lama's monastery

-- having dinner on the highway at 2 am

-- lots of good shopping

-- sun setting in the hills

-- karan's poor acting in dumb charades

-- ankur's amazing act with the towel ;)

-- getting drunk

-- puneet's dig dig dig dig dance with sound effects !!

-- confessions after getting high

-- cheese omlette, banana cornflakes, sandwiches and pineapple juice

-- Kangra fort, Kangra museum, Dharamshala cricket stadium, Kunal Pathri, Norbulingka Monastery, Bhagsunath Falls and lush green tea gardens

-- karan's one liners and spin-a-yarn with ankur

-- "THE" singing competition

-- driver's indifference towards ankur !

-- sumit's craving for the girls !

-- karan trying to give "natural" poses in the pics

-- climbing 50 stairs from the hotel to the main road

-- rain in the hills early morning and clouds covering the hills

-- Karan and me being so accident prone and hence falling down everywhere

-- The hotel people getting crazy about the noise we were creating after getting drunk and all ..

All in all it was a memorable trip to this beautiful place.. minus the Tibetan food and Ayurvedic massage ..

Beauty of McLeodganj

I used to think I am bad at photography but my new camera and the hills did the trick probably! Just check out some pictures I clicked this weekend at this beautiful place.

Tea Gardens in Kangra

Kangra Fort

Sun setting in the hills

Hills covered with fog due to rain

The morning sun

Maggi and my leg

I thought not mentioning about my right leg on my blog would be an injustice to it! Just to give a background .. I had a major accident last year where my knee was operated and all and there was this big wound near the ankle which has left very bad marks. I feel quite bad for it sometimes, it has become weaker than my left leg and pains sometimes when I go shopping and all and roam around for a long time. I cant wear skirts, three-fourths, shorts etcetera because those marks become visible and I don’t want people giving undue attention to my poor leg. And look what happened yesterday. I went to the kitchen with good intentions of making maggi for myself at 8 pm in the night. By the way I love fried maggi and whenever I have a craving for it I just cant stop myself. It was Sunday and like a good daughter I thought why to bother my mom and hence decided to make maggi on my own. I boiled the maggi, switched off the gas, chopped onions, took out the fry pan and BANG! a big wooden door fell right on my leg, right leg btw, right near the ankle very very close to that big wound. I was all into tears I thought I had hurt myself on that wound again. My mom dad came rushing to the kitchen because I had shrieked out quite loud. But by God’s grace there was a deep cut but it somehow had missed the already existing wound. I couldn’t help pitying on my poor leg which has gone through so much already.

Bardolatry

Bardolatry baa(r)'dó-lu-tree

While doing some random reading of Shakespeare’s plays on Google Books I came across this really interesting word “bardolatry”. Quickly I checked in the dictionary on my desktop and was quite surprised by the meaning. Bardolatry means idolization of William Shakespeare. I was not convinced, how can there be a word defining idolization of some person, there are so many great people in history worth idolizing and we don’t have special words coined for them then why Shakespeare ??. So I did some google search on it and found a page on Wikipedia dedicated to this word (really ??). Well this is how they have defined this word, “Bardolatry is a term that refers to the excessive adulation of William Shakespeare, combining the words "bard" and "idolatry". Shakespeare has been known as "the Bard" since the nineteenth century”. Shakespeare was one of the greatest English writers and I love his work but bardolatry still surprised me and the fact that this word was coined by George Bernard Shaw, another great writer.

A Bug !!

There is this bug which has been BUGGING me
and i so want to bug this bug
but this one seems to be part of a bigger bugging community
than i thought
so poor me!!Im stuck!!
I ask people but noone wants to come even close
because it has got a bad history here
so poor me!!Im stuck!!
now will my saviour come to rescue me
or will I have to face this BUGGER alone :(
oh poor me!!Im stuck!!
this huge monstrous bug is looking me straight in my face
trying to scare me...
it keeps laughing at me and shouts "you cant even touch me forget about killing me"
at that moment I just want to catch him and crush him to pieces
and take his dead body for display..
but he seems so far..the closest iI could come
was to touch a particle of the nail of his finger
oh poor me!!
the more he bugs me the more I develop this fetish to kill him
I would like to say to u BUGGER
"No matter how hard u try to bug me I am going to get u soon
you just start counting your last days coz im coming to get u"
oh rebellious me!!
I so want him to die
DIE MONSTER DIE
may his soul rest in peace then
and if he returns again I am going to eat his meat
and enjoy every bit of it
and then I would say proudly
brave me!!
that bloody bugger tried to scare me but ha!
now see what he gets for bugging me
how I think I would have a beer party over his corpse
and then members of his community would know
what awaits them

In fond memory of all the bugs that have BUGGED me till now !!