There is a hollow ..

There is a hollow ..

life is all around me but,
there is a hollow within which doesn't seem to fill

happiness tries to embrace me but,
there is a darkness within which doesn't seem to end

nobody ever noticed but,
there are scars that never heal

thoughts cloud my mind but,
there are winds that never settle

no tears in my eyes but,
there is a storm inside that never dies

people galore  but,
there is a space that doesn't seem to fill

i try to smile but,
there is a sorrow that doesn't seem to end

there will be a day when this pain will end
and that day will be the end of life when only
the hollow will remain ..

Alas there is a hollow ..
there is a hollow that will never fill.
  

I wish ..

# I had an elder brother

# I had a big house

# I had the power to control my tears

# I could dance
    

I miss you ..

Okay lets start with some more updates .. my cousin (who's younger than me btw) got engaged this weekend and hence i could not attend my chuddy-buddy chhavi's marriage which also happened to be on Saturday :( Since we were kids i used to fascinate about her marriage and dreamt of having loads of fun but destiny had planned something else for us .. hehe .. but i feel pretty bad about it and also have some guilty feelings inside me.

And yes now i am feeling lonesome finally .. as usual i had nothing to do at office today and thought of calling somebody but there was nobody i could talk to:( 

Some good things .. my article appeared in this week’s TGIF  and I took part in a paper dressing competition at office.. see image above.

All right, so i thought i would remember all my friends who are not around by writing a few lines about each one of them ..

Shruti -- I’ve never come across a more crazy person than her. "ek bhi dhoop nahi nikli aaj" !! her low waist jeans are a fantasy for boys! I miss her for all the endless gossips we used to share.

Sumit -- technologically handicapped, "good" coder, "mr know it all", caring, the angry young man, crazy for girls and a  killer driver! I miss him for all the time we used to spend in office and car.. thanks for teaching me how to drive..only i know how much i used to hate you whenever you used to shout at me :X

Varnika -- she's cute when she gets confused over small small things, she’s both crazy and organised at the same time, career oriented and talented. I want to be like her while drinking! I miss her for the same reason i miss shruti!

Pallavi -- She has a tough competition with shruti when it comes to being crazy. I miss her for all the compliments she used to give me! and i miss her because it has been a long time since i've seen her.

Puneet -- I know him for the last 2 years only but he’s a gem of a person, a great person to make friends with, cricket crazy, Dhoni fan. He has his own ideologies which are almost always wrong! I will miss u when i won’t be able to call on 702604 :)

Ashish : I miss you ... you left us a long time back and now i have got used to you not being around. Such a lazy person you are, mba kaise manage karta hai!

I will write about the rest of you when you would leave me.
 

Updates

           
Ahh .. no updates since the last few days so here they come.
Quizzes and assignments kept me busy. Thanks to Google search and sumit,karuna,debasish,prabhakar that I won two of them :D and one of them was a football quiz!
Otherwise I saw Rajneeti, a little long but nevertheless a good movie. Arjun Rampal totally rocked the movie with his acting and his gelled hair looks, so much that Ranbir Kapoor wasnt even noticed. And if you havnt guessed it yet, then yes he is my latest crush!
Shruti left for Allahabad, Varnika has left for Jamshedpur today, Sumit is leaving on saturday, puneet will also be leaving soon pheww I would be lonesome for sure.
I played tt and came second, earned some points for my team. This makes me feel good :) and people say my serve and backhand shots are strong so yes I just need to learn the forehand tricks now to be perfect at the game!
Newspaper reading and english classes at NAB make me feel good every saturday, I wish I could do more.

I bought a skirt but cant wear it :(
GOD I NEED BOOTS, PLEASE GIFT THEM TO ME AS YOU HAVE LEFT ME WITH NO CASH TO BUY THEM!
                
              

A memoir from the hospital

An ocean full of pain

a world complete with loneliness

a mind full of thoughts

a heart full of sorrow
but my spirit is what is still alive

and I am not going to let that die

let people who sympathise, sympathise with me

let people who don’t care, don’t care about me

let people who hate me, hate me even more

let people who care for me be blessed with happiness

let people who love me love me even more

it is their love which is going to sail me through this crazy and rotten world

please stand by me and hold me, I might not be able to stand on my own

so give me enough strength to face this wind which is trying to blow me away

I don’t want to perish .. I want to fight

I am not a coward

I’ll take all the blows in my face

you cant let them destroy me

just embrace me and hold me tight

let this storm fade away

let the sun set in after this storm has faded

let all the dust settle down

let there be peace and calm

give me some time to regain my consciousness,

regain my strength

you just need to keep holding on to me till then

I know the sun is going to be brighter

and I am going to extract love from each ray

but let go off me now

let me stand up now

don’t show concern for me

this pain is going to go away with the wind and

there is going to be bliss

this sorrow is going to get out of my system

and happiness is going to come in

loneliness will not come close to me now

because you are going to be around

I can see a ray of hope and I am going to keep holding on to it.

This poem is really special and very close to my heart because I wrote it with a broken hand in the hospital. It may not be a very great composition but I let out all the negative thoughts from my system through this poem and towards the end I do sound all positive and ready to fight again and that is exactly how this poem made me feel after I wrote it in the hospital.

and here I go again

Something I wrote some time back ..
I sit and ponder over my thoughts ... and my thoughts are filled with a nightmare I had last night ... it was bad I can even call it cruel for the fact that it was MY dream .. and dreams reflect my state of mind. I was disturbed when I got up so I consoled myself thinking that "it was just a dream, nothing has happened in real life" at least I hoped so. So not to spoil my mood early in the morning I got up from my warm and cozy bed and continued with my daily routine. Rushed to the office and while on my way tried to listen to some good music whatever minute part of it was audible against the high volume at which the bus driver was listening to "his kind of songs". Well anyways even that did not comfort me so I continued with my work at office .. told a friend about my nightmare. Hmmm so even this did not work :(
So what better than writing it all down and emptying my mind of all these sad thoughts which were so stubborn and so detrmined to disturb me. I kept constantly reminding myself "it was just a dream for God's sake" why do I have to keep thinking about it. But the fact is that it was not "just" a dream .. it was not a happy dream .. it was a nightmare. How could I be so evil .. if I don't like someone, watching them helpless is not what I want. What pleasure will I get out of it. If this person gets harmed it is not going to reduce my hatred for him. I used to say "I cannot even dream of such a thing to happen" and look now how I've changed. I'm wondering how all these violent thoughts got into my mind ... people say that everybody has a devil inside them. If this is true then I guess my devil was active last night.. I want this devil to mellow down and not disturb me like this again. I  would want to tell him that I am a peaceful person and these violent and cruel thoughts which he brings to my mind .. I don't want them .. they shake me up and storm my mind.. and then it takes time and effort to get away with them.
I guess I would again like to listen to some good music to give peace to myself now that I have removed all the dirty thoughts from my mind and put them down here. So bye bye devil it is just a matter of few hours and I will get over YOU.